Lera Yanysheva: On Her Own (From Russian Romani)

On Her Own
By Lera Yanysheva
Translated by A.Z. Foreman

I sit at home and on my own.
I'd hoped to start a family.
The men said I was quite a lady
But years have had their way with me.

My little sisters are still young.
My baby brother is a kid.
My mother has been dead for years.
My father is an invalid.

God, what am I supposed to do?
I can't just leave them on their own.
Who else will put bread on the table?
Who else can work? It's me alone.

I did have men propose to me.
My father wouldn't let me though �
"I'm begging you: stay for the children.
We'll end up starving if you go."

The tears keep running down like water,
A fire has burned my heart clean through.
I'm no young woman anymore.
My darling, lover, where are you?

It's pointless. I can't be with you
When I have got this family.
And I have got to think of them.
The household has no head but me.

It's awful but sometimes I think of 
Running off with a gadjo man!
You girls are raising your own girls now
And I'm stuck at a market-stand.

Here men all look at me with pity
And mutter "goddamn tragedy"
And my black hair begins to whiten.
Here I am getting...elderly.

The tears keep running hot as water
Oh God! What could I do but give....
I'm old now, after what I've lived through, 
But never had a life to live. 

The Original:

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Jekhd�in� Lera Jan�eva Be�av dro kher me jekhd�in�, Me palorom ghara kamava. Sare rak�rnas me ran�, Ne o ber�a mire prastana. S� mande t�knor� phenja I mande p�al s� nabaro. O daj miri ghara meja. E dad phuro s� nasvalo. So � mange D�vla te kerav? Sjemj�t�r te ud�av na�t�. Janava me khere te xav. Me jekhd�in� kerav but�. Roma javne ke me svatenca. Na otmektja man dad miro: "Mangava tut me cavorenca, Amenge bit�ro pharo." Jasva prastana s�r pan�, Jagasa o ilo xacol. I me ghara na som tern�. Kaj, kaj �e tu, miro laco? Da, pale t�te me na d��va, Vjedj mande sj�mjica bari. I pale len me duminava, Vjedj me dro sj�mja xulan�. Caj�le, lad�avo prizn�tsa, Gad��sa me b� unastjom. Sare caja bare cavenca, A me pro t�rgo xodindjom. Sare roma pe man d�khena, Phenen, so me bibaxtal�. Mire kale bala parnjona, Te i kana me phuran�. Jasva prastana s�r pan�. O, D�vla! Sj�mja zaxaja! I me d�khav, so me phuri. O d�iipen zaxasija!